Confirmation, part 2

Two weeks ago I wrote about how I enjoyed teaching confirmation. I mostly enjoyed it today, too, but it also made me want to bang my head on the table a little.

That's not because of the kids. Sure, there was some throwing of donut holes and crawling under the table to tie someone's shoes together. Maybe that said something about how riveting my lesson on the Holy Spirit was or wasn't, but that didn't make me crazy. I'm a substitute teacher, after all.

It has more to do with the realization that we are behind on the class schedule (my schedule!!), need to catch up, barely have enough time to get through things without catching up, and omg it's my responsibility to teach these kids the basis of the Christian faith so they can make an informed decision and I'll never be able to do that by Easter gahhhhhhhhhhh.

Sometimes I need a reminder that it's not all about me. Luckily, God is pretty good about providing those reminders when you need them.

I've been trying to tell myself that, while maybe through this experience of teaching I'll learn things I might do differently in the future, it'll be fine this time too. As one of my favorite poems attributed to Oscar Romero (I think pseudonymously) says, "No statement says all that could be said. No prayer fully expresses our faith....No program accomplishes the church's mission. No set of goals and objectives includes everything....This is what we are about: We plant the seeds that will one day grow." In other words, no class is going to teach these kids all they need to know about the Christian faith. That kind of learning is the project of a whole lifetime. And how much do we need to know to make a decision, anyway? What's the cutoff? It is what it is, and God is famous for working through what is.

I tried to have a discussion of fruits of the spirit with the class. We got sidetracked into talking about what actual fruits the kids did and didn't like, so maybe not the most successful discussion ever. But then in church afterward, one of the scripture readings was from John 15: "I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit." And I found myself hoping something had sunk in and the kids would make a connection. Or maybe something like that will happen five years from now. Seeds that will someday grow.

I also told the kids to pay attention to what happened during communion today, so we could talk about it next week. Turns out two of the girls in the class helped serve communion. And I thought more about how they are being shaped in our common faith in all sorts of ways that don't have to do with me teaching. Not only has the church been doing that for a lot of those kids since they were born, but it will continue doing so after they are confirmed. It will continue shaping them and introducing new ideas about God and helping them experience God in different ways. Even if this class was too short and no one paid as much attention as I wanted, even if decisions to become a willing part of this community called the church were based on nothing (which I'm not saying is the case), there is prevenient grace in that, just like in baptism.

My prayer is that the class will be, as Romero or pseudo-Romero would say, "a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest." And that remembering that prayer will save me from some headaches.