Hope to Account For

If I had one of those feelings charts with the rows of variously-emoting cartoon faces, today I would circle the face marked hopeful.

It was my first full day subbing since I came down with mono, and it was a good one, and I had enough energy for it. I lined up another church interview, which means opportunities and options are continuing to open up. The snow is finally melted enough that I could walk in my little park down by the creek, where it was chilly but not cold, and where I ran into neighbors with whom I shared the good news of this week. Life is good, and I am full of hope for the future.

With the word "hope" tumbling around in my head as I walked by the creek, I thought of how 1 Peter tells us to "always be ready to give an account of the hope that is within" us (3:15).

Well, I'm ready, Peter. But then I also thought how throughout February, I would not have been so ready. Between death and breakups and heinously gratuitous snowfall and illness and the threat of impending financial ruin that accompanied those last two things, I felt very little hope in February. And if it was there, hidden somewhere, I certainly wasn't putting much effort into accounting for it.

And since, of course, the hope I'm supposed to account for really doesn't have much to do with my own health or relationship status or job prospects or the weather, that kind of makes this newfound March hope seem a little cheap. A little selfish. If I'm honest, today's hope doesn't have much directly to do with resurrection or the advent of God's kingdom or eternal life. It has to do with my luck seemingly turning from bad to good, and my desire for that trend to continue. Although I must say, being happy about the superficial things makes it much easier to feel hopeful about the holy ones. Note to self: must try to cultivate deeper, more stable hope.

Still, I suppose if pressed in February, I would have told you that I did in fact hope for better things to come. That, in addition to the support of family and friends, what got me through was knowing that after February would come March, and the snow would melt, and I would gradually feel better, and I'd start talking to senior pastors about associate appointments. Those are all still the superficial things you can't count on, of course. But at the same time, knowing things will get better sounds a little like resurrection to me.